Love Yourself, 8 Songs about Masturbation
Let’s be honest, we all do it or have done it. Although there is a wives’ tale that it can cause blindness, I have never met anyone who lost their sight from too much masturbation. If it were true, most teenage boys would be sporting white canes. Today we talk about a few of the best-known songs on the subject.
Dancing with Myself by Billy Idol
A great song that most people relate to masturbation. However, “Dancing with Myself” was inspired by Billy Idol going to a club in Japan. There, he notices the kids dancing alone in a pogo type jump as they watch themselves in the mirrors around the club. Although this is the inspiration, Billy does admit that there some undertones to the aspect of pleasuring yourself.
“When there’s no one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
Well, I wait so long
For my love vibration
And I’m dancing with myself.”
Longview by Green Day
One of the most excellent lines about the frustration of self-love, “When masturbation’s lost its fun, you’re fucking lonely.” I believe it sums up that even some pleasures can’t solve the need for companionship.
“When masturbation’s lost its fun
You’re fucking lonely.
Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise
I’m so damn bored; I’m going blind
And loneliness has to suffice
Bite my lip and close my eyes
Slipping away to paradise
Some say, quit, or I’ll go blind
But it’s just a myth.”
She-Bop by Cyndi Lauper
“She-Bop” is a song purely about masturbation. It explains that everyone does it. She Bop, He Bop, We Bop. Naturally, Bop is a substitute word for playing with one’s self. Thankfully, as she states, there is no law against it yet. Well, except public places.
“Hey, hey they say I better get a chaperone
Because I can’t stop messin’ with the danger zone
Hey, I won’t worry, and I won’t fret
Ain’t no law against it yet, oh she bop, she bop.”
Turning Japanese by the Vapors
The great 80’s song, “Turning Japanese” would be my choice for the best song about the topic. Although the interpretation is culturally insensitive, it does seem to be about masturbation. Turning Japanese relates to the squint-eyed face made during release. This look is often called the O-face.
Surprisingly, the song is not about the act of self-pleasure, it is about someone missing their love as they sit imprisoned. Possibly a jail or an insane asylum. The band says the song has nothing to do with masturbation. It deals with missing his love which slowly turns him into someone else. This is why he is turning Japanese. That has nothing to do with the O-face. The band says he could have become Lebanese or Portuguese, it doesn’t matter.
“I’ve got your picture, I’ve got your picture
I’d like a million of you all ’round my cell
I want the doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You’ve got me turning up and turning down, I’m turning in, I’m turning ’roundI’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so”
I Touch Myself by the Divynls
“I Touch Myself” is one of the bluntest and most straightforward songs in this article. Chrissy Amphlett’s sensual delivery of the lyrics dealing with missing her lover and female masturbation is unabashed. Sadly, Chrissy lost a battle with cancer in 2013.
“I don’t want anybody else
And when I think about you, I touch myself.”
Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes
The song starts with a classic riff much like “Smoke on the Water” or “Smells like Teen Spirit” that gets everyone’s attention, and instantly you begin to sing along. It is a song which is easily interpreted to deal with masturbation, by almost everyone. Writer and lead singer Gordon Gano, in an interview with the Village Voice, relates a story where someone tells him the meaning of the song.
Gordon explains, “Well, you know… You know what that song’s about.” I’m like, “No. What are you talking about?” “Well everybody knows. You wrote it.” I’m like, “What?” And they told me the song was about masturbation. I had never thought of that.”
He did admit that he can see why people think that, but it was never written to be about the subject. Personally, looking at the lyrics, we don’t believe him.
“Let me go on like I blister in the sun
Let me go on, big hands I know you’re the one
Body and beats, I stain my sheets
I don’t even know why.”
Darling Nikki by Prince
Everyone remembers the scene in movie Purple Rain were Prince humps the speakers as he sings about meeting Nikki in the hotel lobby while she publicly satisfies herself. It is the only reference to masturbation, but everyone remembers the line. Fortunately for Nikki and Prince, it leads to a hookup, and she did not have to complete the deed. There is a story that Tipper Gore heard her daughter singing the song which led to the Parent Music Resource Center, or PMRC, to begin the campaign for Adult Advisory Stickers to be placed on album covers.
“I knew a girl named Nikki. I guess you could say she was a sex fiend,
I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine,”
Orgasm Addict by the Buzzcocks
“Orgasm Addict” is the first single by the punk band the Buzzcocks. The song’s blatant sexual reference led to it being banned by the BBC. Their own record company refused to press the single. The lyrics explain it all, but with time, the Buzzcocks singer Pete Shelley says the song “is embarrassing. It’s the only one I listen to and… shudder.”
“Well you tried it just for once found it all right for kicks
But now you found out that it’s a habit that sticks
And you’re an orgasm addict; you’re an orgasm addict
Sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines
Now your mother wants to know what all those stains on your jeans.”
EPIC by Faith No More
This is one that few people catch the reference. Mike Patton gave some insight on the song’s meaning when he told Circus magazine in 1990: It was about sexual frustration. Sex and lack of sex.” Later in the interview, the topic of masturbation comes up, and Patton says: “Most people don’t like to talk about it. I’m here to tell ya, I love it. That’s kinda of what Epic’s really about.”
“You will never understand it cuz it happens too fast
And it feels so good, it’s like walking on glass
It’s so cool, it’s so hip, it’s so right
It’s so groovy, it’s outta sight
You can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
But it makes no difference cuz it knocks you off your feet
You want it all but you can’t have it”
*Bonus Song, Spank Thru by Nirvana
“Spank Thru” is not know outside of die-hard Nirvana fans. It is considered to be the bands oldest recorded song. Kurt Cobain originally wrote it for his earlier band, Fecal Matter. After the band broke up, it was recorded by his new band Nirvana. The song appears on Sub Pop’s compilation album.
I can feel it, I can hold it
I can bend it, I can shape it, I can mold it
I can cut it, I can taste it
I can spank it, I can beat it, master-uh-bate it
I’ve been lookin’ for day glow
Always hearing the same ol’
Sticky boredom with a book
I can make it do things you wouldn’t think it ever could