Favorite Bar Jokes
My Favorite Bar Jokes
I love this one.
A blonde walks into a bar.
An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”
A dyslexic walks into a bra
The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Did you hear about the two peanuts who walked into a bar?
One was assaulted.
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says, “OK, but I don’t want you starting anything in here.”
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tells him to get out. The mushroom says, “Why? I’m a fun-guy.”
Several fonts walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type here.”
Two Irish men are out drinking when one of them falls off his barstool and lies motionless on the floor. One thing about him, “his buddy says to the bartender. “He knows when to stop.”
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
“How much for a beer?” the neutron asks.
“For you?” says the bartender. “No charge.”
The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named Philip??”
A guy walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “How’s it going?”
“Okay, I guess. Holding my own.”
“That’s good.” replied the bartender. “You’d get arrested if you held someone else’s.”
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says,
“Boy, I wish I could do that.”
The Bartender replies, “You’d better try petting him first.”
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”
A non-renewable natural resource walks into a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey.
The bartender says, “Sorry friend, I can’t serve you; you’ve been getting wasted all day long!”
A guy walks into a bar and yells, “All politicians are assholes.”
The man at the end of the bar says ”I object to that remark”.
“are you a politician?”
“No, I’m an asshole”, says the man.
d-_-b “ruler of my heart” – The Dirty Brass Band featuring Norah Jones.